when i was a teenager, i couldnt understand whats wrong
sometimes i feel im very weired, but i couldnt tell my idea to everyone cuz it seemed very strange and i chose keep quiet
i could not find what was different with me and being hard on myself
sometimes i really wanted to admit myself but i didnt know the ways how i tell you
so i kept being quiet

one day you asked me whats wrong with me
i keep quiet and seemed to tough so you said me you wanted to understand me
you said me, you really want to hear my ideas and share my problem
that words really helped me but my trouble was beyond your control cuz i could not control myself
i punished myself too much and to escape my punishment i tried to hurt myself
people never notice if my heart is broken and injured but people can notice when i have some scars in my body
i wanted to notice my problem with people so i decided to hurt my body
actually i could not hurt myself instead of hurting, i wrote red lines in my left wrist
many many red lines appeared in my wrist and they were urgy so i wore a black wrist band
i punished again i could not hurt myself i felt im chiken i need a person who can understand my feeling
i showed my left wrist and told you my idea
you said me why i do such thing, please stop it because punishing myself makes you sad
you said me, you can understand me
but your eyes completely told me the opposite your eyes said me you cannot understand me
i never forget your eyes got scared me like im an alien
now i know what i really wanted when i was teenage,
you do not need to pretend understanding me you just admit my idea
i know i just wanted to admit my idea im weired, i know but being weired is me this is certainly true

do you remember we had a big fight in last december?
i was happy cuz we can share our thoughts and it helped me to know your thought
i cannot understand your thought forver cuz its completely different with mine
you cannot understand my idea cuz we are different person same mother gave bore us but we are not same person
i have my own ideas and you have yours we should not try to being same girl
i understand we are different but you seem you do not understand that point
yesterday i told you my idea that i dont like your boyfriend and i do not like public servent so much
i know my idea is agressive and my words hurts you i think i should not tell you
you got angry and asked the reason why i do not like your boyfriend and public servents
i told my ideas and as i expected you got mad as soon as you heard my ideas
you told me i should not tell my idea cuz her parents and herself are public servants
i said you, when i was teenager you asked me why im in depressing
keep quiet made you angry
this thime i told my own thoughts to you before im in depressing that also made you angry what should i do?
you said me i can have my idea but i should not tell my idea to her
what should i do any more?
i cannot understand you never and you cannot understand me forever

do you remember when you lived with your ex-boyfriend?
you told us that your ex-boyfriend pushed his idea to you and that hurt you
now you do same thing as your ex-boyfriend to me
you told us that really hard to you did you forget what feel when he did it to you?
you are so selfish you cannot admit i have an opposite idea im stranger in my family
i want to admit my idea thats really i wanted

maybe i have too much expectancies to you you can understand me completely
i forgot no one is perfect
i decided one thing--- i never tell you my idea cuz you pretend understanding myself even though you cannot
i never tell you about myself you may push me your idea

i feel sorry that i cannot understand you, sister.


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